We are taught at a very young age to share and that sharing is good. We later find out that sharing is not always the best thing to do but it is often the more moral and ethical thing to do. I was recently at the park with my 15 month old son, Cole. He had befriended a 20 month old boy who was holding a pretty nice rock. Cole held his hand out and made a noise to mean "Can I play?". The other boy looked at his rock and reluctantly gave it over. Shortly after the exchange, the other boy looked at Cole and said "Share" in a pretty demanding tone. I thought it was pretty funny. This kid had skipped over "mine" and went to "share," but some how they meant the same thing. Cole offered the rock back to the boy, but pulled the rock away at the last minute as if to say "sike" and ran off. I was able to get the rock from Cole and give it back to the little boy.
My wife and I were discussing this episode and she was telling me about a seminar she went to for her job where the keynote speaker was talking about we need to stop teaching our children to share; we need to teach them to take turns. That little boy could not share the rock with Cole unless he was able to split it and give half to Cole. But if that had happened, the rock would have been broken and neither one would have had "real" rock or the joy of having it. There are things that can be shared: food, time, a bed. But when you share, you often both lose something.
I have always had to share a birthday because I have a twin brother. But, to me, that was never a bad thing. It was quite often a very good thing for both of us. My brother and I, since we were little, had different groups of friends. I can thank my parents for insisting we were never in the same class during elementary and middle school for this. These different groups of friends became very fruitful during birthday time. Whenever we had a party, I would invite my friends and my brother would invite his friends. The parents of our friends knew we were twins and, out of fairness, would require their child to bring two presents, one for each of us. This meant double presents. During elementary school, we would often receive the same toy, except different colors. As we got older, buying gifts got harder and cash became the norm. This is where the twin thing really paid off (no pun intended). The last real birthday party I remember having with my brother was our 13th. From what I can remember we did very well money wise that year. After that year, no formal birthday parties were given for both of us together. Later, in high school, my friends threw a party and his friends threw him a party. Of course I was invited to his and he was invited to mine, but since I went to a different high school, my brother no longer knew any of my friends. I still knew most of his, but it wasn't the same. We still shared a birthday, but it didn't seem as much fun as used it to be when we celebrated together.
Later, during college, I visited my brother at UGA for our 21st. I really don't remember that weekend. Our birthday had been earlier that week, so he had a head start on me since I still lived at home. Getting trashed and then coming home to mom and dad never really appealed to me. So, the weekend after the actual birthdate, I partied with my brother. But I didn't know any of his friends then. So again, it wasn't the same. I just happened to be guest at his birthday party.
I really do enjoy having someone with which to share a birthday. I have known people who have wanted to lament my plight of not having a day to my self. I say to them "When was the last time you could tell someone Happy Birthday and they reply thanks, you too."
I feel when I share my birthday with my brother, I don't lose anything. I actually gain a much more fulfilling day.
Moral: Most sharing is not good, but sometimes it's really worth it.
