A year of firsts

Today is my son Cole's first birthday. Happy Birthday Little Buddy!!!!! It a has a been a crazy year that has gone by all too quickly. And since it is his first birthday and many firsts were experienced, I am posting my first top ten list.

Top Ten Things I Have Learned From Being a Father

10. Baby formula smells like rotting fish when made with hot water.

9. Hand-me-downs are the greatest (a HUGE special thanks to Jackson, Felix, Warner, and George-Henry).

8. Prior to Cole, I knew all about the 4 C's: Color, Cut, Clarity, Carat. I now know about Color, Consistency, Frequency, and Amount.

7. I never knew how much I would be talking about poo.

6. When you lose something of yours, more often than not, your kid will find it. When your kid loses something of yours, nobody will ever find it.

5. Don't wish your kid to grow-up faster, it will happen a lot faster than you had ever wished for

4. Never twist the strap of a car seat when fastening it to your car. If you do, do not plan on adjusting it without the help of an engineer.

3. The makers of kids' toy packaging are evil and sadistic. Between the "clam-shell" packaging and the myriad of plastic coated metal twist ties, you'd figure they never wanted a kid to play with the toy.

2. All kids love electronic stuff they are not supposed to have, especially remotes and cell phones. Concerning remotes and cell phones see #6.

1. Kids are EXPENSIVE...but without Cole we may have more money, but we wouldn't be as rich

Moral: Cherish all the little moments and the firsts.

Illegal purchases and illegal activity

I have an affinity for fireworks. If you talked to my closest friends they would say it is more of obsession. If you talked to my family, I am a pyromaniac. What ever it is, I like fireworks. The problem is the good stuff (anything that goes over 20ft in the air and could do some real explosive damage) isn't sold in my home state of Georgia. Four states that border Georgia do-- Alabama, Tennessee, South Carolina and Florida. This leads to my 4th of July purchase. I wanted to buy some bottle rockets, some mortars, and any other thing that struck my fancy.

So on the way home from a recent FL vacation the fam and I stop by "Last Chance Fireworks" that was advertised on the side of the highway. The sign should have told me something. It was a hand-painted piece of plywood attached to a stake in stuck in the ground. Once I got off the exit, I saw a circus tent set-up in the parking lot of a seemingly abandoned hotel. There was a myriad of pyrotechnics spread across about 15 collapsible tables. The guy working the place seemed like he snorted gunpowder and cocaine mixed with meth to flavor for breakfast. While he was weird and a little unsettling, he did provide excellent customer service. I purchased about $40 worth of fireworks and traveled on my merry way home.

On the 3rd of July I set off my purchases. On the 4th of July I receive a phone call from Fraud Prevention Department at my Credit Union. It seems I was also in Italy late the night before buying $1 and $2 trinkets and then a $27 train ticket. After discussing with the Fraud Prevention people, I figured out that the the nice twitchy man that had sold me my parking lot fireworks had also sold my debit card # to some one overseas. So now I am without my debit/atm card for 7-10 business days.

Moral: Meth is a helluva drug and always bring cash when buying anything that is illegal.

The first post

So I have attempted some blogs through my limited stint in social media. I have a few post on MySpace (do people still use that?) some on Live Journal and probably some elsewhere in the ether. My writing is not perfect, is not always funny (even though I try to be), but will be from me. I plan just telling stories of my life my, my son, and my wife (if she gives the okay).

I have often envied others' blogs. Most often they are funny. Funny like I try and want to be but seem to constantly fail. So this will be attempt to do that. Please enjoy